William Safire’s Rules for Writers:

Remember to never split an infinitive. The passive voice should never be used. Do not put statements in the negative form. Verbs have to agree with their subjects. Proofread carefully to see if you words out. If you reread your work, you can find on rereading a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing. A writer must not shift your point of view. And don’t start a sentence with a conjunction. (Remember, too, a preposition is a terrible word to end a sentence with.) Don’t overuse exclamation marks!! Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents. Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided. If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is. Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors. Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky. Everyone should be careful to use a singular pronoun with singular nouns in their writing. Always pick on the correct idiom. The adverb always follows the verb. Last but not least, avoid cliches like the plague; seek viable alternatives.

I have been apartment hunting on the north shore of Vancouver.  With a .09% vacancy rate that can be challenging. Still things do pop up, with Craigslist being a favourite starting point.

For instance last night, when the following appeared:

$600 / 1br – Quiet Heritage Executive Suite (North Vancouver, B.C. )

Reply to: hous-792734362@craigslist.org

Date: 2008-08-11, 6:44PM PDT

Location:The Hillridge, on the corner of Keith and St. Georges North Vancouver, B.C.

Main Features:

Heat and Hot Water included in Rent

500 Sq. Feet

Tons of closet space

Secured Parking Available

Amazing View

Balcony

This apartment is on the 8th floor and faces East with a terrific view. There is a small pool and basic gym. Lots of nice people in the building who are of all ages. The location is great! Restaurants, Grocery Stores, London Drugs, Coffee Shops, Lonsdale Key – All within walking distance.

It’s an older building, but it has everything you need. The hot water takes 2 seconds to come out of the tap. Building is kept well. Nothing but good things to say.

contact: jennifer_tina2@yahoo.com for enquiry now….

cats are OK – purrr

dogs are OK – wooof

Location: North Vancouver, B.C.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 792734362

Too good to be true? In a city with average rents for one bedroom units at about $1000? Probably.

Still, you never know, so I e-mailed them.  Here’s what I got back:

From: jennifer jones <jennifer_tina2@yahoo.com>

Subject: Re: $600 / 1br – Quiet Heritage Executive Suite

To: rueger@community-media.com

Thanks for your email and it is my gladness hearing from you. I am Mrs.Jennifer Jones,The owner of the flat you are making inquiry of. Actually I resided in the flat with my family with my husband and my only daughter before and presently we had packed due to my transfer from my working place and now situated in Texas, and presently my flat is still available for rent for including the utilities like hydro, washer,security. Am in West Africa for a Crusade and I will like you to get in touch with my husband in Texas,USA for more information,he is with the keys/document to the flat. we’re kind and honest family & respectful people and also spent a lot on our property that we want to give you for rent, I will solicit your absolute maintenance of this flat and want you to treat it as your own, if it’s taken by you, money is not the main problem but we want you to keep it tidy for me to be glad when even we return. I also want trust in you as I always stand on my word.

Email my husband Bobby Jones on (bobbyjonnes12@yahoo.com) and he will attends to you better.

Thanks and you are welcome…

Regards

Mrs. Jennifer jones

Well! A nice Christian woman!  That surely makes a difference!  I have e-mailed Bobby, in Texas, and anxiously await his reply.  I may be psychic, but suspect that he will ask me to send two month’s rent via Western Union, and then he will mail me the keys!